Gingers: A Dying Breed
Written by Jack Kaestner, Former Student on Thursday, January 11, 2018
According to researchers, we have an epidemic on our hands, and it affects us all. Studies suggest the recessive ginger gene may be exterminated in as soon as a hundred years. The horror of this possible reality is too much for many to bear.
Gingers have been very important and influential in recent years. Celebrities such as Ed Sheeran, Amy Adams, Jessica Chastain, and Rupert Grint sport the ginger gene. These are just a few of the amazing gingers who have given us great films and music as of late. I personally feel Rupert Grint’s muscles in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince are enough for us to band together and try to save the gingers.
Researchers say we can only hope to achieve this goal by having more gingers move back to Scotland, the origin of the recessive ginger gene. Gingers have to mate with other gingers to keep the line going is the essential answer to our problem, but the gingers I interviewed disagreed with the notion they are going anywhere at all.
Senior John Benoit is a proud ginger and avid Ed Sheeran fan. Benoit believes the ginger kind will live on forever. He says that he is "gonna squander that little [expletive] theory." He cited the fact that "My mom and dad were not ginger,” so “that recessive gene became non-recessive,” serves as his reasoning as to why it is impossible to totally destroy the gene. This has some weight but the likeness of the gene passing on would still be decreasing throughout the years. Benoit says "[he would] cry" if gingers went extinct, but believes it is “a wives’ tale."
Senior Sam Branchini had a similar view, saying “It’s [expletive].” (Gingers are apparently prone to swearing). Her reasoning is that “the gene skips a generation.” She however would like gingers to go away because she wants to be one of the last gingers, to help out her enormous ego.
Will gingers die out? We may not know for a while. The chance is there however, so cherish your local gingers while they are still here.
